Fighting To My Damaged Self

 I'm really struggling with myself right now. It's like I'm lost in a battle within my own mind. I can't open up to the people I care about because I'm afraid my problems might hurt them too. This pain I'm feeling is so strong, it's like a heavy weight in my heart. Sometimes I wonder why we can't control our thoughts and feelings.

Every morning, I have to force myself to keep going by pumping myself up with adrenaline. It's hard to explain, but it's like I'm fighting to stay active even though I feel so low. I wish I had more control over my own mind. It's like my thoughts have a mind of their own, and it's overwhelming.

I feel really alone in this struggle. It's like I'm drifting away from the world around me. I used to be outgoing and talkative, but now it's like I'm retreating into myself. Maybe it's better to just be alone and deal with this on my own.

I get that sometimes, keeping things to yourself is actually a better choice. I know you might wonder why I don't ask for help, but sometimes asking might make things worse, not just for me, but for something important that I don't want to lose.

It's true that I might still be losing that thing I care about, but I'm trying to do it in a way that hurts less. There's a path I'm choosing, a way of handling things that doesn't hurt me as much, and it's not just for my sake, but also to protect what's important.

I understand that it's confusing, and you might think that I should talk about it, but there's a hidden side to it. Sometimes, it's not just about me; it's about finding a way that won't damage everything even further. It might seem like I'm losing, but the way I'm dealing with it is my way of showing strength, even if it's not obvious to everyone else.

It's true, some might say that I'm causing harm to my own mind by dealing with things this way. Maybe I am, but I've come to realize that this choice I'm making won't impact the people I care about. So, even if it means continuing down a path that seems destructive to my own mind, I've reached a point where it feels like the only option left.

The weight of the situation is heavy, and the decisions aren't easy, but I'm driven by a determination to shield those I love from the pain that's gripping me. This journey might not make sense to everyone, and it might seem like I'm sacrificing myself, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to bear if it means safeguarding the hearts of those who matter most to me.

In the end, it's a personal battle I'm facing – one that's intertwined with love, pain, and the relentless pursuit of a way forward.